How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
