marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
