I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
