saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
