i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
