please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
