My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
