Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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