i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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