We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
