I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
