I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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