$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
