she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
