shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This girl is more easily done than said...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
