i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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