OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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