just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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