watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
