Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
