we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
