just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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