I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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