I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
