Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
