watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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