Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
