I looked at my own cervix.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
