Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
