I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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