i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
