this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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