I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
