If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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