gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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