Well douche your snatch and let's go!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
