she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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