when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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