He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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