I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
