I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
