My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this will be a night to untag.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
