worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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