fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
