did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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