i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
