I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
