so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We had to coat check the pizza.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
