A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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