9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hippo gnu deer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
