areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
