you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
